My friend has a habit of dropping things. It’s getting out of hand.

Waiter waiter does the pianist play requests? Yes sir. Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I’ve finished my meal.

Why did the man throw his clock out the window? Cause the cheating bitch ducked.

Why doesn’t Mr.Sodium like to spend time with Mr.H20? Because they always get in to heated arguments.

76% of being in a relationship is waiting for someone to watch a show.

If you’re pissed off about a non-white Santa Claus then I’ve got some very bad news for you about Jesus.

To Do List : 1: Buy 4 Pigs 2: Paint numbers 1,2,3 & 5 on their backs 3: Release them in Wal-Mart 4: Sit back watch Security search for #4

Why do the lawyers for the reindeer say they have to pull Santa’s sled? Because they have a claus in their contract.

[OC] What did the asian say when he saw a line at the local soup kitchen? Ugh…. Pho queue…

You’d be surprised how much of parenting is reminding your children not to eat soup with their hands.