Uncle got surgery to get 12 nipples It’s not just me, it sounds super weird, dozen tit?

1886: We invented a car! 1903: We invented a plane! 1969: We went to the moon! … … … … … … 2015: Taco Emoji!

Every time we disagree she suddenly wants a threesome, saying “Now you’re gonna fuck a nargue with me.” Please help me find a hot nargue.

If the Nazi’s were a football team, what would be their favorite play? Blitz!

What did the scornful owl say? Twit twoo.

My Korean girlfriend once cooked me a pie made from scratch. I was gutted. I loved that dog. Mark Restuccia

has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life

The president of a popular mail-order business just died. The funeral will be held in 3 – 5 business days.

What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt.

Me singing: Then I saw her face!! Now I’m a Beliber! Not a trace of doubt in my mind! Roommate: You DO know that’s a guy…right?