What’s brown and sticky? A poop.

Who won the Asian cooking contest? It was a Thai!

Whats the difference between a fetus and a meme? You cant kill a Meme

[ultrasound] Dr: your baby is 7mm in length Me [whispering to wife]: ask him Wife [sighs]: what is that in fruit sizes?

How do you confuse an idiot? Seven.

Gay people make me sick I should really stop deepthroating them so hard…

Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for “Chuck Norris’ basement”.

Your momma is so ugly that Scorpion says “Get away from me”

You’ll sleep when you’re dead?…that’s adorable. Well, I’ll lose weight when I’m dead, so pass the doughnuts.

I met Mrs. Right today Too bad she’s already married.