[zoo] Hey dad, where are mountain lions from? *dad panics* -Uhh…you see, son, when a mountain and a lion love each other very much…

“Girl, if I have to put my love for you in numbers…” It will be cincuentas.

I gotta stop living every day like it could be my last. The hangovers are killing me…

What’s a rabbits’ favorite movie? Rabbits of the Lost Ark.

When I was 12 I got kidnapped. When my parents found out they snapped into action. They rented out my room.

What is a martian’s favourite chocolate? A mars bar

Nobody I’ll change my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts,and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this

Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.

What’s more annoying on the internet, a troll or spam? Your mom!

I’ve been eating healthy for six whole hours now. Why am I still fat?