Apparently Great Clips doesn’t like it when you sit in there 8hrs/day chomping on a cigar shouting HE AINT PRETTY NO MORE after every cut

I’m gonna drink until she’s pretty then fuck her until she’s ugly again.

Woman are alot like square numbers If there under 13 do them in your head

I really like that new Westworld show. But sex with robots makes me uncomfortable. Every time I try it – my nuts get pinched in her gearbox

Eli5 What is it like being six.

What do fat chicks and mopeds have in common? they’re fun to ride until your friends find out.

How do you know if someone’s vegan? Someone else will make a vegan joke, then when the vegan points out that non vegans refer to veganism more than vegans do, some jackass will say “found the vegan”

S.I.N.G.L.E…sexy! innocent! naughty! gorgeous! lustful! exciting!

Tom: What did the banana say to the elephant? Nick: I don’t know. Tom: Nothing. Bananas can’t talk.

What causes the bird on a pirate’s shoulder to repeat ‘pieces of nine, pieces of seven, pieces of nine….’? Parity error.