*wakes up drenched in sweat* WAS BINGO THE FARMER OR THE DOG?

My TWILIGHT ZONE plot idea: The sole survivor of the apocalypse finally has time to listen to podcasts but still doesn’t feel like it.

I’ve never really been into French Impressionistic music, but lately… …it’s been grabbing me by Debussy.

It’s not a matter of WHEN the world will end… …it’s WHICH Applebee’s you find out at.

I lost my job because my manager heard me slapping one of the customers. He wasn’t even at work. He heard from home.

We should rename Reddit to Redpost. Because everything is a repost.

Web MD should go ahead and sell caskets.

SOW: Would you like a nice cake with three candles for your party? PIGLET: I’d rather have three cakes and one candle.

What do you get when you cross sriracha, Little Caesars, and a donkey? A hot pizza ass! Like… like a hot… piece of… you get it.

Q: What do you call an earthquake fault? A: A topographical error.