Good one liner You have a striking face…..how many times has it been struck?

Just got a residual check for 6 dollars for my scene in Almost Famous sooo…going to Vegas!!!!!!!!

*Leaves home for the day… *Fears I left something behind *Runs inside to see baby playing with my phone. *Grabs phone & leaves.

What sound does an Italian make when you shoot him? Wop

I’ve come to the realisation that tofu is over rated- It’s just a curd to me.

Why do I only see lesbian couples holding hands? Aren’t their hands clammy enough as it is…

Explosion at a pie factory. 3.14159265 dead.

Why do they thank me in the cafeteria when I pay for my food like I had a choice? Just tell me “enjoy the diarrhea” and I’ll move along.

What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house ? The Lizard of Oz !

What makes a glow worm glow ? A light meal !