“I don’t understand the value in seeing a therapist.” – People who haven’t spent time with me yet.

How did Jesus feel after the last supper? A bit cross.

My wife told me “Sex is better on Holiday”.[OC] And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how she told me that she was a lesbian.

Q: What do you get if you cross a pig with a karate expert? A: A pork chop.

Testing, please ignore Test^(ing)

Why couldn’t Miley Cyrus go to the party? She had to go t’work instead.

(513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.

I raped someone so hard in a LoL match last night but forgot to record it It’s ok. Found it on Pornhub.

A guy just said he wants to know what I got “in the trunk” I told him duct tape, a shovel and rapid decomposition powder Flirting is hard

What do you do to a dead scientist? You Barium