A boy goes into a butcher’s shop and says, Mum says can we please have a sheep’s head…”. “…and you’re to leave the eyes in ‘cos it’s got to see us through the week.” Credit to Terry Pratchett.

What do you call a proton with big hair? A ‘froton.

Emma Stone is my girlfriend. Nobody tell her, though. I want it to be a surprise.

A feminist asked me how I view lesbians Apparently ‘HD’ wasn’t the right answer

Apparently they’re making a Middle Eastern version of ‘The Flintstones’… …and while Dubai doesn’t like it, Abu Dhabi do.

I wonder what part of the Constitution we’ll all be fighting over today? I hope it’s the preamble. That part’s bullshit.

Just saw the hottest DILF! (it was glazed)

What did Snoop Dogg say upon graduation as a EE major? My circuit breaker be trippin and my joint wouldn’t solder…

Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me. now if i were a diamond ring, where would i hide …

I chuckled at this one Suicidal arsonist burned at the stake.