My buddy said he’d give his right arm to be ambidextrous I can only admire such dedication.

Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. “Why are we running so fast?” asked one. “Because” said the second “it says ‘tear along the dotted line’!”

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, “why the long face?” “My crippling alcoholism is destroying my family”

A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover.

Is it just me? … or are circles pointless

I’m celibate because i don’t give a fuck.

What did the drug dealer say when he saw the clock. Its 4:20 dude!!! 420 blaze it

Only one man has ever entered parliament with honest intentions… … Guy Fawkes

You know what they say about STD’S Sharing is caring

I had a terrible nightmare last night that I ate a muffler. Today, I’m so exhausted.