A man walks into a bar… …with a duck on his head. The bartender says, “May I help you, sir?” The duck says, “Yeah. Help me get this human out of my ass.”

I’m really glad that Obama won in 2008 and was able to be the first black president of the United States of America his back up job was to be the first white president of Kenya.

I heard about a dog that was half bulldog and half shihtzu. Bullshit.

Life is like toilet paper… Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

What do you get if you cross teeth with candy ? Dental floss !

A teenager was stabbed to death in a shopping mall over a stolen pair of trainers. Those security guards don’t fuck about.

What do you say when only the egg remains? It’s all ovum now

I call my penis “my aircraft carrier” Because there are always seamen in it.

Did you hear about the organic chemical terrorist group? They call themselves Al-Dehydes.

Weird how TV characters hardly watch any TV.