Why is Pavlov’s hair so soft? Classic conditioning.

What’s yellow has wheels and lies on its back? A dead school bus!

What do a gay dolphin and a car that leaks oil have in common? Chances are, both have blown a seal

Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing? He could really get into the vaultz.

I heard they were going to put Frederick Douglass on the Fifty. But they were worried it would only be worth $30.

Did you hear about the Vietnam veteran who became a sewage worker? He’s seen some shit.

Why can’t a blonde dial 911? She can’t find the eleven.

I’m a low maintenance girlfriend. Just bring me a bouquet of cats.

When there’s still peanut butter on the knife after a dishwasher run, I just put it in the drawer because that peanut butter is clean.

What idiot called them dog tags instead of collar ID