Republicans run for office by saying the government doesn’t work… Then they get elected and prove it.

Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.

So what I want to open a comedy club called Terri Yets pub… Everyone that lives there has Tourette’s syndrome.

Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I’m a Christmas bell! Just take these pills – and if they don’t work give me a ring!

Tell her you already got her gift, & ask her to try & guess. Then go buy something she guessed. Shopping made easy.

*gets up off bed* *puts pants back on* Oh…so you…you wanted ACTUAL tacos then?

Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air ? Because eggs were going up !

Two guys walk in to a bar …the third one ducks.

Being a single man has to be depressing when you think that even a guy like Hitler had a girlfriend.

Tom should concentrate less on Myspace and more on his shoe business