I fucked a girl with one leg last night Probably should have used my cock http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2j7aff/z/cl9844o

If a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed?

What do birds say on Halloween? “Trick-or-tweet!”

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, while the other is a little lighter.

Why did the cow get an award? For being outstanding in his field. Sorry.

What do you call graveyard shenanigans? Tombfoolery.

A man walks into a bar. Ouch

I was shopping with my wife the other day and saw a TV on sale for $20… It said that the volume was stuck on full. I looked at my wife and said “I can’t turn this one down!”

Instead of looking for things that divide you look for things that bring you together, like the way you all look for things that divide you.

The Average human walks 900miles per year, and drinks 22 gallons of beer, which means the average human gets 41 miles per gallon… Not bad!