It’s complicated” is just code for, “I’m willing to cheat.”

a PS4 and XBOX One get shot the ambulance comes WII U WII U WII U

My 7-year-old daughter asked me twice today “what poison would kill someone the fastest?” and now I’m wondering if I’ve underestimated her.

An assistant to a company’s offices in Karnataka found the title on his business card embarrassingly abbreviated. “Mysore Ass.”

DAD JOKE: Do you know where you get water from? Well…

What do the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons.

Did you hear about the new bra they call the Sheepdog? It rounds them up and points them in the right direction.

I always sigh and say “I love you,” followed by a long silent pause just to see how bad telemarketers really want the sale.

What did one quantum frog say to the other? Quibit.

What do feminists do in Halloween? They go Triggertreating.