Have you seen www.veryangry.com? No AND STOP ASKING ME STUPID QUESTIONS!

How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb…? …to get to the other side

Just found out that umbrellas open up. I always wondered why my rain stick never kept me dry. We never stop learning do we.

What is smaller than a teeny weenie fly? A fly’s teeny weenie.

Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he didn’t have an ear for music.

Have you heard about Samsung’s new video game based on the Galaxy Note 7? They’re calling it Mass Defect.

What do you call a Mexican baptism? A bean dip.

What does the license plate of the sheep farmer say? Ewe haul.

“You the bomb.” “No, you the bomb.” In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears do you have an infection ? Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!