I was told the Highlander was stopping by a Mexican nightclub When I showed up to the party, there was only Juan.

Whats that over there? I don’t know but i think i just got a raging clue

TIL That I’m NEVER getting prostate cancer

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It’s a really obscure number, you’ve probably never heard of it.

look son, i kinda need you to go to hong kong & win a martial arts tournament to the death for me because i sorta told my neighbor you did

It’s been about 3 years since my last drink and I’m still hungover.

Q: What kind of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? A: Iceberg.

I love posting spam. Although, I’ve been warned again by the Royal Mail not to mail bits of meat in the post.

I Like My Coffee How I Like My Women Tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through the Andes by a donkey.

The Pink Panther’s To Do list: – To do – To do – To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo