For two years in high school, I took guitar lessons. Something interesting I learned is that guitar resale nets a 45% loss.

I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don’t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.

Life hack: McDonald’s will deliver if you tell them that you are holding Ronald hostage for a ransom of [your desired food order]

I think back to all the times I’ve masturbated up until now… …its just nice to know how far I’ve cum.

What does an Ent want? A bad birch.

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend until you realize they turn you into a shallow ho

Why did Hitler suicide? He got the gas bill

Apparently SeaWorld CEO has declared an end to kissing and dancing for its performing Orcas… Now those whales will know how I felt at my high school prom!

Sorry I got confused & grabbed your fist bump like a doorknob.

What game do they play at Mexican carnivals? Guaca-mole!