Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? A: Nacho cheese.

Salamanders are the most passive aggressive animal. You grab their tail and they’re like “have that one, I don’t even want it”

It’s stupid to just ask “where” a sorority girl is when the more accurate question is “where in Target” is she.

Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.

Kids and adults loved it so, the happy world of Harambe. #neverforget

I call my Penis Batman… … Woman love it, when the dark night rises.

Q: Why do blondes always drink with straws? A: Practice.

I would make a joke about Mexicans… …but that would be crossing the border

Do you want to hear a joke about suicide? So there was this girl.

I wasn’t trying to put you on a pedestal. I was trying to bend you over it.