I’m dating a supermodel with hemiparesis. She’s not half-bad.

Q: Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant job? A: He couldn’t figure out how to refill the hand dryer!

TIL That Oscar Pistorius once opened a pizza parlor only to have it fail and go bankrupt. The cause? His car was always breaking down, so OP never delivered.

Why is there such a shortage of teachers in Africa? Teacher’s aides

Why do Welsh farmers …. Why do Welsh farmers tend to have sex with sheep on the edge of a cliff? So the sheep will push back

What does a food lover do when they try a new food? They CURIOUSLY MASTERCATE.

[First date] Ok, don’t let her know you’re a pharmacist Her: Can you pass the salt? “Sure, it’ll be ready in two hours.”

The other day, I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow… I called her up and asked, ”Did you get my drift?”

need a Justin Bieber joke about the fist fight he got into last night

I must remember…no matter how well hidden I might be in my cardoard box fort, my boss can still track me down by the giggling.