I asked one of my sumo-wrestling friends whether he wanted some sushi for dinner He just replied “No thanks, I’m not a big Japanese guy”

I over-think, therefore I ruin everything

Did you know Oxford university was founded before the Aztec Empire? That explains the sacrifices my parents had to make to pay my tuition

What do you call Hitler underwater? Adolfin.

As if being a surgeon wasn’t enough you’re a general too?

The more complex the handshake, the less complex the individual.

I have to say to you something… something.

Two potatoes are standing on the corner. How can you tell which one is the hooker? The one with the sticker that says, “Idaho”.

What do you call an Asian guy who is a member of ISIS? RICE-IS

What’s the hardest part about roller blading? Telling your parents that you’re gay.