An English man, an Irish man, and a Scots man walk into a pub. They head to the bar and the bartender says, “what is this, some kind of joke?!”

It’s the first day of Autumn so let’s make like Humpty Dumpty!! And have a great Fall!

I’m not in favour of student loans. I think people should get their own student.

What do you call a country of grizzlies that is always stoned? A hibearnation.

Why does a VC always enter a room backwards? To keep an eye on the exit

THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM I’m out of beer.

There is no Control (Ctrl) button on Chuck Norris’ computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Me: What’s with the look? Hub: How would you like a full-service massage? Me: I would, but will you and the kids be okay while I’m gone?

Whenever somebody asks us how long we’ve been married… Whenever somebody asks us how long we’ve been married, we always answer: Me: Eight wonderful years. Wife: Eleven years.

I’ve got a new job in a biscuit factory. So far I’ve made a packet.