I got arrested at the airport last week… Apparently, security doesn’t appreciate it when you call “shotgun” before boarding a plane.

What is Harry potters favorite way to get down a hill? Walking….J.K . Rowling

What do you take before every meal? A seat.

I’m good at turning on. .. Electronics

When one door closes… An incognito window opens.

My girlfriend played the cello and I loved it. But recently she gave up the cello and took up the violin, so I had to break up with her. Because I’m all about that bass, no treble.

What happened to the dog that fell into a lens-grinding machine? He made a spectacle of himself.

Life is like photography, we develop from the negatives.

What did one eye say to the other? Between you and me, something smells

I wish my thumbs had the power of Pandora. I would give people the thumbs down & they’d instantly disappear & be replaced w/ a better one.