if the plan is “eat pancakes now figure out life later” then yes everything is going according to plan

What’s the difference between a Lentil and a Chickpea? I wouldn’t pay $200 to have a Lentil on my face.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT: The dye used to color Sesame Street’s Elmo red is made from the blood of virgin Canadians.

What do you get when Italians join ISIS? Baked Yazidi

I think it’s time I throw away my fleshlight My masturbation is getting a little out of hand.

Why are men smarter while having sex? Because they’re plugged into a know it all.

Alabama changed the legal drinking age to 33. They’re trying to keep it out of high schools.

What do a redhead and a freezer have in common? They’ve both got ice on the inside.

Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.

ME: hey baby HOT GIRL: ME: HOT GIRL: ME: HOT GIRL: ME: *looks closer* HOT GRILL: ME: oh