I saw a badass preview for a new movie coming out! It said it was called “U.S. Marines”

What do you call a nun that sleep walks? A roamin’ catholic

Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask “which country?”

How do you call a beautiful feminist? An oxymoron

What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper

What’s brown and sticky? (wait! There’s more…) What’s brown and sticky? A Stick. What’s brown, sticky and Yiddish? A schtick.

Anonymous gets Alzheimer’s They sign off: We are Anonymous, we are a legion, we do not forgive, we do not….

What’s another word for “thesaurus”? Steven Wright joke, iirc.

i sold all my lizards to buy my girlfriend a Toyota Tundra but she sold her drivers license to buy me a awesome obstacle course for lizards

How do jellyfish live without brains They are blond