The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar… It was in tense.

I can’t remember what 51, 6 and 500 are in Roman numerals… fucking livid

Donald Trump wants to build a wall between USA and Mexico… It’s okay, we have tunnels.

A small boy got lost at a baseball game… He went up to a police officer and said: “I’ve lost my dad.” “What’s he like?” asked the police officer sympathetically. The boy replied, “Beer and women.”

How many dadaists does it take to change a lightbulb? Giraffe.

I recently came into a very large sum of money so they fired me from my job at the bank.

Did you hear about the unfashionable mechanic? He needed to change attire. (I’m probably too proud of myself for making this one; someone’s almost definitely done it before.)

I don’t need to run a marathon to load up on carbs and ask someone to wrap me up in a blanket.

What do ants drink? Tea. It’s an ant tea joke.

If a red panda is caught stealing, what do you call it? It was caught Red Panded