What’s the best way to capitalize on an opportunity? ON AN OPPORTUNITY

If I die in a fire, I want my last words on my grave… … “I won’t die, I’m 70% water!”

You think you’re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone else’s shower.

My paper aeroplane won’t fly. It’s completely stationery.

The awkward moment when you say, “I love you,” then the pizza delivery guy says, “That’ll be $12.46, please.”

Did you guys hear about the girl that had three vaginas? She kept getting fucked left, right and centre.

What smells worse than an anchovy? An anchovy’s cunt

Boy becomes Jedi, gets married, turns evil, has twins, becomes Darth Vader, complicated crap, ewoks. Boom, STAR WARS. You’re welcome, girls.

Did it hurt when you fell? Into the toilet, you piece of shit?

What car does the Loch Ness Monster drive? A Ford F-tree-fiddy