You know it’s cold outside when… You buy a foot long at Subway and by the time you get it to you car it’s a six inch

What did the gang-banger say when two houses fell on him? Get off me, homes.

Wanna hear a word I just made up? Plagiarism.

Why was six afraid of seven? Seven is a registered six offender.

Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?

Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make Then they call me ugly and poor

Where does bad light go? Into a prism.

I really can’t walk the walk or talk the talk but if you need someone to drink the drink, I’m your man.

Why does homemade bread not make your throat itch? It’s made from scratch ^*NB ^OP ^is ^heckle-proof*

If you watch the biggest loser backwards it’s a story about your mom.