You’re the only one who understands me, last remaining sleeve of Oreo cookies.

Pepsi just bought out Nike. Nike’s new slogan will be, “Just Dew It”.

I’ve found that whenever God closes a door, Satan hands me a lockpick.

IAMA convicted murderer who escaped last week from an upstate New York prison currently on the run somewhere in North America. AMA!

Why does santa say ho ho ho? Because three hos are better than one!

Why does the little mermaid wear sea-shells? Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.

Yes, I am aware pigs are more intelligent than dogs. Why would I want to eat an inferior animal and absorb its lesser powers?

What do you call Dracula’s retarded cousin? Countdown This was a joke I heard on TV some time ago … Thought it was worth a share.

Remember that AMA guy whose mother slept with him because he had broken his arms? She was adding incest to injury.

Why does Donald Trump hate Chris Jericho? Because Jericho wants to break the walls down