The toilet bowl was stolen from the local police precinct last night. The cops have nothing to go on.

I asked my wife if we could do 68 tonight. She’d blow me, and I’d owe her one.

What do you call a cute homeless girl? Dust Bunny

Just when I think I’m 100% against the death penalty, I see a bright yellow hummer taking up two parking spots.

I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.

“Raising a family is hard,” he said. “Not if they’re buried close enough together,” replied the Necromancer.

Do you know the problem with ordering duck? It always comes with the bill.

I’m scared of the toilet That’s where shit goes down

My favorite jokes are the short ones that make me laugh. Here’s a short one that I hope makes you laugh. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? – You look for FRESH PRINTS!!

A pig with wings walks into a bar. Stunned, the bartender says “You can’t bring food in here from another restaurant! Even if you are a cop!”