Republicans say it’s raining; Democrats say it’s sunny. Rather than go outside and see for themselves, the media reports the controversy.

Nothing says “We have no faith in our own products” like using a 16 year old girl in your anti-aging cream commercials.

Half of all marriages end in divorce… The other half end in death.

Ever want to have rodeo sex? Get on top and call her by the wrong name and try and hold on for 8 seconds.

What’s big and grey and protects you from the rain ? An umbrellaphant !

I for one… … love Roman numerals.

[therapy] WIFE: he favors our son over our daughter ME: No way, I love whatsherface just as much as I love Johnny

100% of Nickelback fans drive drunk.

When I get heavier, I am actually easier to pick up. What am I? A woman

What do you call a group of armed nuns enforcing the status quo? a force of habit