As my friend confessed, “My teenage daughter never even talks to me,” I struggled to conceal my jealousy.

What do you call a cow stuck in a hurricane? A milkshake.

Just farted and it sounded like Louis Armstrong saying the word “blueberry” with his mouth full.

What’s the difference between a boy scout and a Jew? One gets a badge for lighting stuff on fire, while the other gets a badge for being lit on fire.

How do sheep greet each other at Christmas ? A merry Christmas to ewe

You know what’s worse than your tribal tattoo? The story about why you got it.

Girls hope you celebrated Valentines Day responsibly, or you’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward

What is CC Sabathia’s favorite inning to pitch in baseball? The bottom of the fifth

Why are sergeants so successful in physical contests? Three stripes, you rout.

I was going to say a gay joke but fuck it.