The person who came up with “happily ever after” probably didn’t realize humans would live longer than 34 years.

What do you call a policeman with blonde hair ? A fair cop !

How do you comfort a grammar nazi? Pat him or her on the back and say, “Their, they’re…”

Chicks… …they only get laid once.

Hands down half 6 is my favourite time of day.

They took my mood ring… …and I don’t know how i feel about it.

Where is Macau located? In MaFarm

I saw a girl texting while driving the other day.. it really pissed me off, so I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.

I came up with a movie idea. A man’s daughter is abducted. This man has has a unique set of skills and goes on a revenge rampage. But the idea was taken.

I’d also tell you a joke about how my balls hang. . . But that’s too low.