I’m a masochist. I downvote myself.

Uncle Frank’s will stipulates he be cremated & his ashes added to the vegetable water sprayers at the local grocery store. He will be mist.

what’s green and floats? a leaf

Duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for some lip balm. “Certainly sir, will that be cash or credit?” “Just put it on my bill.”

What kind of soap do Middle Eastern citizens use? Arab spring

Why is Man Utd’s chemistry lacking? Because they are held together by weak van den Gaal’s forces.

Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside

What’s an owl’s favourite pin code? 2820!!!!!!!!

Women always say they want security… When I’m around.

Why do we drive on parkways when we park on driveways?