What do women and hurricanes have in common? When they come, they’re wet and wild. When they leave, they take your house and your car

What’s the best city to search the World Wide Web in? Rome.

There is this new awesome technology to do group chats… It’s called “put your damn phone away and join the conversation!”

Q: Two musicians are walking down the street and one says to the other “Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?” A: The other replies “That was no piccolo that was my fife.”

Who is never hungry at Christmas ? The turkey – he’s always stuffed !

Mad Libs inventor died today of POOPING. He is survived by his PIZZA CHEESE and his LAWN DARTS. He will be A DINOSAUR.

How do you troll someone? Make them wipe their screen because they think text is a smudge.

Why do black people only have nightmares? Because we killed the only one with a dream.

James Bond walks into a bar… James Bond walks into a bar and sits next to a chicken. Chicken: What’s your name? Bond: My name’s Bond. James Bond. Chicken: Nice to meet you, I’m Ken. Chick Ken.

My girlfriend wants me to take her to Paris, and treat her like a princess The only thing is, I don’t know which to pick: the guillotine or the Mercedes.