*sees a car with a “how am i driving” bumper sticker* *calls the phone number* ME: buddy i think it’s with a steering wheel

Almost had a threeseom. All i needed was 2 more girls.

What do I call my dick? Steve Harvey because it’s rising right now

I’ve heard they are re-casting Two and a Half Men with 5 midgets.

Why did the boat dock with the all of the other boats? Pier Pressure

Mexican joke What do you call a Mexican without a car? Carlos

Just went to a dance for mentally handicapped people It was basically one big slow dance.

I don’t get nervous if I’m surrounded by beautiful women. I know they’re all too busy hating each other to notice me.

My attorney likes to earn from my mistakes.

I’m like a kid. People like me best when I’m quiet or sleeping.