Me: yeah was bingo the name of the dog or the farmer Professor: i meant questions about the exa- holy shit

Happy Groundhog Day everybody!!! So put your little hand in mine and there ain’t no hill or mountain we can’t climb…

I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at.

Where does the pervert keep the underwear he steals? In his briefcase!

Why are spiders good swimmers ? They have webbed feet !

I bet if a renaissance artist traveled through time to a modern museum, they’d be like: “Uh-oh. Someone leaked my nudes.”

The number one problem in the world today is apathy. But who cares?

Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other.

Whenever someone says “you know who you are,” I always wonder if it’s me and I don’t realize it.

I’m obsessed with you. Not like peak through your window obsesseHEY I LIKE THAT DRESS WEAR THAT ONE