“Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.” – me, peeping at you in the shower

Why did the spelling bee champ have to go to rehab? He was hooked on phonics.

And I thought I had issues. – Me, 36 seconds after signing up on twitter.

-What do you think I should buy, a cow or a bike? _You’d look pretty funny riding a cow…but you’d look much worst milking a bike

What do you call it when Wonder Woman does too many drugs? Heroine overdose

Ginger Ale tastes so much worse outside an airplane.

Reading a Chinese newspaper is like looking at 1,000 douchebag tattoos at once.

I see from the Before and After pictures that not only did she lose weight using the product, it also gave her a tan, makeup, and a smile.

What kind of dog chases anything red ? A bull dog !

I disagree, but I respect your right to be stupid.!