A zombie apocalypse would be so much funnier if we started burying people in those fuzzy duck slippers that quack when you walk.

My wife and I had a real Fairytale wedding. A wolf killed her grandma during the ceremony and then we ate stolen porridge from some bears.

My kids can’t hear the dog barking for 15mins to come back inside but they can hear me bite into a Pop-Tart from 3 counties away.

New Girlfriend (56) — Postponed due to rain NOTICE: New Girlfriend (56) will be made up next Wednesday as part of a double header along with New Girlfriend (57).

My wife came home with a duck under her arm… “This is the pig I’ve been fucking” she said “That is a duck, not a pig” I replied “I’m not talking to you”

Why did the chicken cross the road To get to the other side ( )

What is a Freudian slip? When you say one thing but mean your mother.

I remember the last thing my granddad said before he kicked the bucket. I wonder how far I can kick this bucket?

I’ve decided to become a raw carnivore… I guess you can say I’m going cold turkey

Who Wears The Old Clothes Of Angela Merkel? Angela Merkel.