I’m in the middle of hanging myself. The suspense is killing me.

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don’t, they just shoot the room for being black. I guess you could say that was dark humor? 😉

I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there’s that….

All things in moderation. Unless no one’s looking.

Whenever I have a bad day,,, I just remind myself that there are people out there who have their ex’s name tattooed on their body

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Because he had a hole in one.

So all about these girls killing folks because of slenderman….. I guess you could say, they were a victim of anorexic culture

.5% of life is spent with accidental throat bubble Kermit voice.

My friend didn’t understand my poorly timed holocaust joke. So he asks me, “What’s a holocaust?” And I reply “Oh, about eleven million”

Whats the difference between jam and jelly? I can’t jelly my dick down your throat.