I painted my PC black hoping it would run faster but now it doesn’t work at all.

Can I tell you a joke? Your bum broke! hahaha! We loved this lame-ass joke as kids

I think God created marriage so death wouldn’t come as such a disappointment.

I was on a date. “How many ladies have you slept with?” she said. I said, “Do you want me to round it to the nearest 10?” She raised her eyebrows and said, “OK…” I said, “Zero.”

Making the arrangements for my wife’s funeral is tough She keeps asking what I’m doing

A boycott is just a smaller version of a manbed.

What game do old black people play? Blingo!

What’s the difference between a feminist and a dentist’s drill? One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.

Today my boss will learn that I am nowhere near mature enough to be left alone with a label maker.

I could be subtweeting my cat for all you know. Calm down.