A Stormtrooper went golfing today He’s still on the first hole.

If Tom Brady joined Nickelback… They’d become 30 cents.

What beer does Sean Connery drink? Grols

I’m 36 but have the body an 18-year-old The police are pretty upset about it.

I once tried to write a book about my thoughts But there’s only so much you can put in a suicide note.

[A pair of crocs sitting on a riverbank] Why do you think people hate us so much? “Idk. I blame the idiots who wear us with socks.”

I’ll complain about the government invading my privacy after I tell you where I am on Facebook and posting what I’m eating on Instagram.

What do you call a queue of boxers? A punchline.

4-year-old: Tell me a scary story! Me: One time little people popped out of your mom and they never stopped asking questions. 4: Why?

A: You look nice today, is that a new shirt and haircut? B: I masturbated yesterday, So I had to clean up afterwards. And one thing lead to another. Hair trimming included.