Why did the boy jump off the dock? Pier pressure

A blackout is just your brain clearing it’s browsing history.

Got really excited when my wife said she was going to teach me something new in the bedroom until she started folding a fitted sheet.

What do you get when you cross a whore and a leprechaun. A little green fucker about two feet tall. (Best told orally so can hold hands two feet apart.)

What do you call a deer that has no eyes? I got no-eye deer !

Funny Pick up line… Add more plz -Whilst sitting in a nice car- …hey baby want a ride in my ex wife’s life insurance. ~~~~~~~

I’m having an increasing fear of New Year songs. Must be Ole Langxiety.

What’s the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You don’t milk a cow for 10 years

GUY: I dare you ME: no G: I double dog dare you ME: no G: I TRIPLE dog dare you! ME: [realizing if I keep this up ill get a lot of dogs] no

Why is Tumblr so odd? Because they can’t even.