What’s Scrooge’s favourite food? A humbug’er.

How did the man find out his sister was actually his half-sister? He saw her penis

What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint

i once heard that in the old days, you received a last name based on your profession. if so, what the hell was John Hancock’s career?

If he can’t build a wall, Trump is going to dig a giant hole at the border and cover it with a welcome mat like it’s a Road Runner cartoon.

What happened to the trapeze artist that did drugs on the job? He got suspended.

Why is milk so fast? Because it’s pasteurized before you see it!

Most of being a parent means saying “Great!!” when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill.

I am holding a pre-mature ejaculation club meeting next week Needless to say, You need to come early

What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ? This one will sleigh you !