Quitting smoking is really easy… I’ve done it like 100 times already

I named my eraser Confidence… Because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m looking at a captcha or a text from my mom.

Modern Warfare: a $700,000,000 dollar plane drops a $50,000 bomb on a $1.00 tent

Two cosplayers break up… When asked why, one said “I don’t know who he is anymore!”

What do you call a snail in the sea? A snailor.

How much pussy does a Monk get? Nun

What’s brass and sounds like Tom Jones? Trombones.

I slept in my sons crib last night I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

What’s so good about having sex with twenty one year olds? There’s twenty of them.