Children with gay fathers as parents, I seriously sympathize you all It’s not easy growing up with twice the dad jokes.

I just bough t a new pair of sunglasses… So anytime I make a bad pun, I’m gonna put them on and *puts on sunglasses* Look cool.

Horses are very contrarian… No matter what you ask them, all they say is “neigh.”

The scariest room in a haunted house would be filled with people you haven’t seen since high school asking what you’ve been up to these days

What kind of dogs will patrol the Trump wall? Border Collies! I just came up with this after not sleeping for 30+ hours. Sorry for the cheesy goodness.

Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated…go figure.

You know the world is corrupted…. When people buy the 2015 Macbook.

“HULK WANT LOAN.” Bank: “We can’t loan to people like you.” “GREEN SKIN PEOPLE??” Bank: “No, people who owe 2.6M in property damage.”

Recently joined the mile high club sandwich. That’s when you have sex on a plane, and it’s with a sandwich

Just found out I’m willing to drive 40mph over the speed limit to prevent a PT Cruiser from passing me.