Your selfie would be way better if you weren’t in it.

Wanna hear a Joke about a Jump rope? Nah, let’s just skip it.

What is Red and Smells like Blue Paint? Red Paint

What’s the difference between a piano, a tuna fish, and a pot of glue? You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano tuna. … What about the pot of glue? I knew you’d get stuck.

Did you hear about the guy that shits out jars? He’s a real glasshole, that guy

I was walking in the desert and saw a redwood tree. I knew this must be a mirage, so I ran into it. To my dismay, the tree and I collided. I guess it must have been an obstacle illusion.

To spice things up in the bedroom, I have my wife dress up as a pizza boy. Then, I have her put the pizza on the counter and then leave.

Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption “Summer is finally here!” or we wouldn’t have known it’s summer.

What do dyslexic Koreans eat? Gods

What type of train gets fat? A chew chew train…