This generation sucks but does it swallow

When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers? A virgin

Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic? He wanders through life wondering if there is a dog

one time I stuck my hand in a jar of jelly beans and when I took it out all the black one stole my rings and watch

I’m not saying your mom is fat but she’d be worth a lot more in the UK

POLICE: Sir, do you know how fast you were going? ME: Jealous much?

When accused by a woman a man’s first instinct is to deny. We’re not lying, we’re just buying time to remember what you’re talking about…

“And now it’s time for Guess How Many Belly Rubs I Want! Remember, contestants, guess wrong and you get the claws!” – Cat game shows

Why did the milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder