Why did the emo kid leave the bar? It was happy hour.

The Unabomber What do the Unabomber and a girl from Alabama have in common? They were both fingered by their brother.

I went to a fancy dress party as a calendar A guy came up to me and said “Your days are numbered”

People tell me that I’m condescending That means I talk down to people

Energizer Bunny arrested: Charged with battery

You wanna hear a dirty joke A horse fell in the mud. And then some crazy lesbian who hates horses put on a strap on and fucked it till it died.

Found out the difference between onions and men. I don’t cry when I’m chopping up men.

A grasshopper sits at the bar… …and the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper says, “You have a drink named Steve?”

Need jokes with the same punchline as this. Help! What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

What happens when you throw one banana to two hungry Apes? A banana split!