What do you call a handful of gravel A palm-o-granite!

[interview] Your resume says you have a “take no prisoners attitude”. You know you are applying to be a corrections officer, right?

A Latino shot an unarmed black man today, and everyone is in an uproar Especially the police, saying “They took our jobs!”

When a cop pulls you over for a DUI at 2am on Friday night & tells you to walk the line-it’s never good to start singing Johnny Cash songs.

A teacher walks into a bar Guy: can I buy you a drink? Teacher: I don’t know, CAN you?

*Sneaks into men’s toilets* I HEAR THERE’S CAKE IN HERE

What sound does a Chinese roller coaster make as it goes up an incline? chink chink chink chink

it is hard to b scared of a angry person once u realize that they just wanted to tie a knot but insted of using string they used their arms

I don’t have a gf, but I do know a woman who in the car often asks where this is going so I show her the GPS & she gets mad for some reason.

Cutest thing I saw today was the dad angrily slamming the sliding door of his minivan but it slowed down by itself and latched silently